I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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