you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
