she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
