you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
