somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
