that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
