Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Four minutes until I can fart!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
