meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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