i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
