I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
