So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I could make wine with my vomit
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
