im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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