Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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