apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
