i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
