The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
