New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
