it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
