Kiss
Puke
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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