Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
