Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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