Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
