i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
