She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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