our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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