I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
