I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
