my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize