When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
