my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
