Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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