So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
