I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
