is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
