Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
