The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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