There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My feet surprised me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
