aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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