You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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