we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
