I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
