i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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