The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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