If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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