that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
