Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You took a bar mat shot.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
