I think my fart just growled at me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
