who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
