I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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