hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
