Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
