Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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