I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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