I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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