looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
