Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
