Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
