We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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