therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
