The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
