If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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