it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize