I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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