can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
