and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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