just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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