its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
