well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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