I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
