she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
