Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
