Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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