Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
