I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
