Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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