dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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