I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
