Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
