soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
