would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
