shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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