my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
